I guess I should let you all know that I don’t trust any of you. Really, at a deep level, I think you’re basically all unable to think for yourselves or reach sane conclusions given the evidence before you. There might be a few individuals here and there who I think are on the right track, but they are extremely rare.

This isn’t really important on its own, but it comes into play when the time comes for me to build my community. You see, universal mistrust of other humans makes for a lonely life, which is what I have. I find myself unable to give of myself to the work other people are working on. From the outside, it looks like I’m making the perfect the enemy of the good. Inside, it’s not that simple: I’m willing to make compromises in order to achieve progress, but when it’s time to actually participate, I just can’t make myself do it.

I didn’t used to be this way. But, as I’ve lived my life, I’ve given myself to lots of seemingly worthwhile outside endeavors. The church, the scouts, the church, Affirmation, the church, Reconciliation, the church, Landmark, the church, the Postal Service, and the church, were all central to my life for some time, and they all failed to serve me, some of them in really spectacular ways.

(I’ll pick Landmark Education out of the pack, because Landmark, as an organization, actually tried to serve me, though they didn’t have the right tools for what I was dealing with at one specific moment. The others failed to try, or went out of their way to antagonize me.)

It’s no wonder now that I dread going to work. I have come to loathe giving of myself to anyone or anything, especially if there’s doubt about that things interest in my well-being, future, happiness, satisfaction, fulfillment, etc.

So The Matrix has become a placeholder for all these things in life. It’s a shorthand for that which demands more and offers less to you with each passing year. That which promises Zion and delivers Hell.

This is not my best post ever, but it’s important.