The Five Love Languages

The Five Love Languages is a short book that, frankly, should have been a lot shorter. It’s basically one idea: people appreciate different forms of affection, so if you want to express love for someone, try doing so in the “love language” they understand the best. Gary Chapman, the author, names five languages:

  1. Words of Affirmation
  2. Quality Time
  3. Receiving Gifts
  4. Afts of Service
  5. Physical Touch

I would name things a bit differently. Actually, come to think of it, I wouldn’t name things that way at all. Who says there have to be five? How do I know that your idea of “acts of service” is the same as mine? There’s no need to put people into boxes. Find out what your partner likes and give it to them. Make sure they know what you like, and are giving it to you.

I like physical touch. It means a lot to me. Receiving gifts honestly makes me uncomfortable. So if you want to keep me around, give me some touch.

As one party in a relationship, I can be responsible for both sides of the communication of love. (It’s just like anything else in a relationship, really; either person can take responsibility for it.) I can tell you what I like, and I can ask you what you like. I could probably figure out what you like without too much effort.

Simple concept, easy to implement, so take a break from your self-help and relationship books and go do something about it.

My summary, for future reference, is stored here:

One thought on “The Five Love Languages

  1. […] often hear that “you can’t love anyone else until you love yourself.” But I can take loving actions¬†toward another while I’m not taking them for myself, and I can feel affinity for another […]

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