Loving Yourself In Your Own Language

Connecting two dots whose connections seem obvious once they’re next to each other: you must love yourself, and whether an action is loving can only be determined by the person receiving it. (You don’t get to say “I’m doing this because I love you” if what you’re doing to that person hurts them.) So, assuming there’s a “you” and there’s a “yourself” whom you must love, logically, you should express your love for yourself in the love language that reaches you best.

My love languages are touch and quality time. They have specific qualities.

The kind of touch that’s meaningful to me isn’t sexual. It doesn’t involve any erogenous zones or cause arousal. It is gentle, and localized to the scalp, neck, shoulders, and shoulderblades. Think of petting a cat or dog, or better yet, picture two primates grooming each other.

Quality time means we’re working on a shared interest. We’re furthering some goal. I don’t like being idle and I don’t like listening to people go on at length about things I find trivial. It bugs the hell out of me that I spend so much time doing things that aren’t moving me forward, and I’m increasingly frustrated at how difficult it is to get anyone to work with me on anything. At all. (Ok, nap. Calm down.)

I’m working on a hypothesis right now that involves connecting a lot of dots that, right now, seem very far apart, but I don’t think they really are. I think if you follow the line from SERT-blocking antidepressants (which is almost all of them) to the common sexual side effects, what you’ll find along the way is that there’s another pathway that gets blocked, unnoticed, and it’s related to ASMR, Frisson, and pathways having to do with higher-numbered serotonin receptors modulating the balance of control between the brain and the autonomic nervous system. Losing that pathway creates a new problem, which might explain part of why SERT-blockers are so damned ineffective. (Ok, nap… calm down.)

I’ve also got a list of about 40 things around the house that must be done, and at the rate of progress I’m able to achieve on my own, it’s going to take me a year to get them finished, and I can’t wait that long. I’ve got bigger, much scarier problems that I need to deal with, and having to spend precious time and energy on such mundane and preventable problems… (Ok, nap… calm down.)

The blog is getting a kickstart, but the strategy is changing. Instead of striving to make every post perfect, I’m just going to get them out there. Aim for 500-1000 words and provide citations where appropriate. Nap out.

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