I’ve been complaining for a long time about the people who I blame for lying to us all, specifically, those who hold leadership positions–any kind of leadership positions–and spreading and promoting the lies about homosexuality, masturbation, pornography, the “institution of marriage,” etc.
I’m asking myself a new question since a couple of days ago. Is it possible that who I’m really angry at is myself, for having drunk the kool-aid they mixed for me for as long as I did? I don’t feel like that’s the case, but it seems like a logical explanation, and it does make a few things make sense.
I’m mostly writing this because this train of thought isn’t going much of anywhere between my ears–I feel very much that I’m not seeing the process all the way through. So I’m writing in an attempt to hold myself to account for this line of thought.
What would it mean if I were actually blaming myself for having believed the lies that the lying liars told? What would it mean about myself? What would it mean about them? What would it mean about the world? What if I made the whole thing up?
I carry a grudge against the people who drink the kool-aid because it hurts not just themselves, but others as well. I wish the Universe were structured such that a person could do whatever they want without hurting others, but it’s just not that way.
So I’ve been angry at the people who lied, angry at the people who believed them, and angry at the people who knew but did nothing.
What if I take responsibility that I’ve been in each of those categories?